journey to find love (from within)— part 3: loving yourself is a two-way street
I learned to appreciate myself through the small exercises I set out. Every time I look in the mirror, instead of fixating on my flaws, I now praise myself for the features of my body.
Sometimes it's not enough to change your appearance, what’s more important is one’s perception toward oneself. A person could hardly grow if they stickto their close-minded and negative mindset. Our bodies need our patience and affection; instead of destroying it, why not take care of it so it could get better every day? It’s exhausting to please other people and keep up a perfect public image. The only person you should try to please is yourself.
Besides being grateful, I also learned to accept my own flaws. My skin used to be rough and swollen like a honeycomb; I disgusted it so much that I would scratch and cut my face. The skin on my face is no longer filled with acne but only has a few hidden acne and dark scars. I sometimes still feel inadequate and get jealous of my friends who have smooth skin without any apparent effort. At the same time, I now understand that my skin is extra-sensitive; there is no way to change that. I learned to accept and appreciate my skin more by taking extra steps to clean and protect it. Sometimes our birth defects are what make us unique human beings; I won’t be ashamed or shy to show off my flaws and prove how none of us is perfect. I know there will still be days when I feel disinterested, empty, and meaningless; and that is completely okay. Allow yourself to get plenty of rest and sleep well until you feel ready to get up and try again. It is also a form of self-love, to care about your health and not overwork your body.
“Healing is weird. Some days you’re okay and you’re doing just fine. Other days it still hurts like it’s fresh. It’s a process with no definitive time frame, you just have to keep going and know that when all is said and done, you’re going to be alright.”
I see a lot of people around me, including myself, who don't know how to protect themselves. I'm not talking about a physical sense, but a mental one. Many people are so used to downplaying themselves that they stop believing in their true self-worth. I got to this best version of myself by asking for help and helping others. speaking out for help and reciprocity. I don’t let other people hurt me anymore because I know I've suffered enough. If you keep thinking that you can still stand the pressure and that you have not reached the peak limit, it might be too late by the time you know to take care of yourself. Thinking the bully happened because of yourself is a self-blaming behavior that would only lead to bad consequences in the future. In my opinion, bullies harass other people as a way to release their anger and avoid the truth about themselves.
I learned to not have hatred for anyone, including people who hate me. Maybe they’re just having an awful day. Maybe they’ve had an awful childhood. Maybe they just feel awful. Instead of beating themselves up like the way I do, they project it on others. That is not an excuse for the terrible things they do but if we think about it, it’s actually really sad. What’s the point of receiving that hatred if it wasn’t intended for you anyway? Those people are just mad at themselves and they make themselves feel better by putting others down. So just keep doing what you gotta do, keep spreading love, and eventually, they’ll realize how being hateful is pointless. They cannot hurt us if we don’t let them
Besides, we should also learn how to stand up for others. Not everyone has the courage to speak up or recognize their own worth, and if we are able to then don’t hesitate to lend a hand. Instead of trying to push each other down, why don't we try to save each other?
That is what I have always remembered since childhood, we are never useless, because while we could still care and help others, even when we cannot help ourselves. Remember there are people who live for you, and you have to live for them.
I am not ashamed or shy to openly share my story, because I went through a lot to be the person I am today. If I could do it, whoever is out there struggling with learning how to love himself/herself could do it. Good things take time, be patient to yourself. You will never be alone, as long as you are ready to speak up. You have been fighting really hard, so let yourself live.